Two years ago I posted an article, “Final Goodbye,” about the passing of my sister, Ate Aying. She made her final goodbye on another sister’s birthday on November 8, 2007. This year’s Christmas merriment was diminished by another final departure, two days before winter solstice, of a beloved sister, Ate Fely, the same sister whose birthday I just mentioned. Life goes on… I understand it. But can I stop my heart from longing to have been there at her side in her last breath? To tell her how much I missed her, to hug her and tell her how much I appreciated her?

I was only sixteen years old when another sister died of pneumonia - in my lap. I did not understand why the attending doctor picked me to hold my sister when she was in the process of leaving. Other family members were present at her bedside but they were instructed to leave the room. Was it just a coincidence? Why me?  I was the youngest one. The experience of watching her eyes fading until she finally drew her last breath was something peaceful, I will never forget. How could it be? Am I not supposed to have been crying over this incident? As she laid in the casket for a few days for viewing, I could not find myself to drop a tear. Instead, I have continually remembered the strength of her last grip on my hand, a feeling of reassurance. And, when I heard that final “click,” the sound of the seemingly breaking bone in the spine, somehow I knew … the leaving of the soul, restricted inside a physical form had been freed. I uttered a short prayer, unlike the prayers I normally heard in the church.

 

Today, December 26, 2009 (December 27 in the Philippines) is the burial of my sister, Ate Fely. My heart aches, teardrops are forming in my eyes, my breathing is heavy. Why?? Am I feeling my own vulnerability?

Farewell my Beloved sister/protector. Rest in Love and in Peace!
Felicitas Aculbe Agudo , November 8, 1944 – December 18, 2009   

“May your experience on Earth have been a great one, and may the Light shine brightly as you journey back “Home” to claim a seat next to Mother/Father God. Amen”.